so there is this guy in my class who talks to himself. and not the self muttering that you and i do whenever we need to remind ourselves of something or things like that. i am talking about a guy who has conversations – and i do mean actual conversations, including elements such as negotiation and arguments – with imaginary people around him.
and it really is not as funny as it sounds. in fact, it is much much creepier. for the past few weeks, these alters has been following him to class and into our labs etc. and they seem to be in constant conversation with him in various and i do mean various scenes. last week, i think the bunch of them were in some kind of castle. the kind with knights and thrones. and he was galloping around the lab on his imaginary stead. i am serious, galloping. i really cannot think of any other word to describe what he was doing. he was holding on to the reins and galloping. and he was talking to his alters about rescuing princesses in the deep dark woods. and then i think he joined the army. because the next day, he was found saluting and marching against the chrome surface of one of our lab machinery, and he was there for quite awhile.
this week, he kept on apologising to his alters. his alters must have gone on to disturb him because he kept on susshing them and asking them to keep quiet and pay attention to the class. and then something happy must have happened in his world because he started singing.
and he can be a bit disruptive in class, obviously. he sits almost at the back of the class (and always at the same seat, by the way) and i suppose you would not be able to hear him all the way at the front of the auditorium, but he’s pretty audible at the back. people tend to not sit too near him. but we scatter about the back of the class so we are usually in range. i guess we’re all a little curious. and interested. but too polite to inquire.
i am both a little annoyed and envious of his serenity. the disruptive nature of the conversations, obviously. but part of me wants to know what is this magical realm that he has access to, and how do i get there? how could it be that he is so free that this world that you and i know it can be disregarded to easily? how did he manage to detach? to absolutely not give a damn about what people think, and be able to live in the world that is completely generated by your own head?
i know that on some level, he probably can’t help it. that that world is probably just as real to him as you and i. but here i am, directly in contact with reality. reality that seriously stresses me out. that drains and wrings and hangs me out to dry before tossing me back into spin cycle which goes on and on endlessly. reality that tires me out. reality that weighs a zillion tonnes on my poor poor shoulders.
and then i see him. the boy who has found a way out. maybe he never really found a way in.