sigh. i mean, seriously, sigh. it is like, i know i am not all looking forward to it and all lah, but suddenly, it is like there is a conspiracy now. yea, that is precisely the right word. conspiracy. like suddenly everyone is in one it. let’s not make it happen, because she does not want it. she’s gonna go for it, but hey, she does not really want it, so let’s all conspire and do her a favour. this whole concept of divine intervention, and here it is, laid out like the yellow brick road right in front of me. and all i am thinking about is, well, for better or for worse, be careful what you wish for, i guess.
you know how you really really want something to work out and when you get your mind to it, all the lights turn green just as you come to it and everything is clear traffic and blue skies and sunshine and all? not think about it on the flipside. i don’t want to do something. as in, i really really don’t want to do it. i don’t like it. i’m not prepared for it. i am merely doing it so i can get over it. i even told CK that i actually want an amnesia after all this is over because i just don’t want to remember this experience.
and then the universe conspires. the universe conspires and everything you can think about goes wrong. like every possible obstacle that can stand in the way just springs to life and does you a favour. dare i even say that the universe does not want it to happen. according to mom, its all ‘the secret’ jazz. laws of attraction, you know, the book, the audio CDs, all that lah. when you don’t want something, the universe conspires to make sure that, er, that it does not happen. guess it works that way too. laws of unattraction? okay, i think i have an anti-book idea now.
so everything went wrong lah. my equipment did not work. the venue changed. the people changes. obstacles literally throwing themselves in front of me. so really la, how does one react to such, well, series of unfortunate events?
thing is about me is, i will still berusaha.i know that i should just have taken that first sign of trouble as a ticket to bail. some people i spoke to said that they would since, well, i did not want to go through with this thing in the first place anyway. but like i said, i bulldozed on. i got through the first obstacle and here comes another. i get through that one and yet another presents itself in front of me. and these obstacles are not even related and are seriously as random as they get. i tell you, it was the most bizzare day, man. it is just raining bad news all day long. so much so that mom said i should just stay at home for that day and stay out of trouble because trouble is just everything i touch that day.
so sigh. rasa macam kena pergi mandi bunga :P apa lagi nak kata, kan? just sigh lah. se la vie.