i’ve been on a frasier spree in the past few days. you know, i actually see myself a bit in him. which is, i think both a good and bad thing. i like the idea that i can do the whole super elitist speech if i want to, and oh my god, just pull out this warm beating heart of mine and replace it with a pebble if you must, i wish i could be just condescending enough to blow off some people right about now. i SO have a string of well-deserving candidates already. just send the troops in, lads and me and my firing squad will take care of the rest, thank you very much.
my last week of so has been one of the most complicated in this half of the year. i am starting to be taken seriously, which is supposed to be a good thing, but in fact, it just illuminates the illusion that previously i might as well have been walking around with an ‘experimental’ label stamped across my forehead. don’t get me wrong, i’m absolutely stoked. but i realise at the same time that now that the people at the table are finally looking in my direction, the pressure is so damn on, man. and a part of me… well, there is that part of me that just wants to liquidate everything and take for the road.
i know, i know. this always happens whenever i feel like i am finally going somewhere. part of me feels like you know, i am proven my point. my work is important and everyone knows it now, so we can move on to something else now. there would be plenty of people who will be able to pick up from where i left now that i have build the foundations where they can happily stand on. there is just something about my attention span that just itches for a different puzzle to play.
i miss that life on the road. i miss getting lost. waking up in a different place. wondering where i will be tomorrow. all that jazz about just picking up and going and not stopping. i know all that crap about having to build a real life. but lately, i have been asking, what is real life? is this stability i reside in right now, real life? my dreams of learning the history of the world and discovering its secret and allowing that to shape me, wouldn’t that be real life, and this one, simply a transit, where i await to take flight to a place i am supposed to belong?
my weekends have been super busy for the past couple of weeks. for once, i would like a little bit of pampering. my poor poor shoulders have been screaming for a little bit to unknotting for the longest ever time. i know that i am not one for massages, but i think they really could use with a bit of pounding right about now. according to by organiser, saturday’s looking pretty bad. sunday’s not really smiling back either. damn.