so yesterday i went to do a body mass index (BMI) and body fat analysis (uh, i don’t think if this has an acronym… whateva). i need to point out that it was administered by doctors and nurses and it was part of this campaign that the office is doing for a reason that is really not relevant to you. yang penting is this: the hospital staff were there with all sorts of peralatan yang sangat canggih. even the blood pressure machine was this electronic thing that inflated by itself and all. okay la, this tech has probably been around for some time but i don’t exactly work in a medical facility, duh. ask me about aerobridge charges and i’d really be able to blow your socks off.
anyway, here are the results: BMI is NORMAL. body fat percentage is NORMAL. visceral fat (that’s fat surrounding the vital organs) level is NORMAL!!! el conclusión is this: I AM NOT FAT! i have been medically examined and checked ad the result is that I AM NOT FAT! i even had a session with a dietician to talk about the results of the test and she said that whatever i’m eating now seems to be fine because for a girl my age and height, my weight and the composition of what’s in me if perfectly and i mean do mean PERFECTLY and medically FINE!
do you hear that, aunties and uncles who called me fat masa raya open house haritu?! do you hear that, wide eyed aunties who stared at me eat another helping of lemang and rendang?! do you hear that, you you and you who ter-stunted when i took another slice of strawberry marshmallow cheesecake… which by the way happened to be my own birthday cake, dammit!!!
and i’ve thought about it, and have come up with a perfectly simple and logical explanation to why i might not look like audrina patridge in the american carl’s jr advert (go google it. super hot. if you’ve got a watcher, it might not be safe for office. ya, that hot).
that’s right. it’s all in the eyes. your eyes are deceiving you. it is all in the mind. your mind is conditioned to think that to be normal weighted, i’d have to be wearing something that is low and short and tight. but now, try to look beyond that. look beyond your eyes and see me for the MEDICALLY NOT FAT person i am. i really am, the vision of what a perfectly normal girl looks like. all those models you see in the mags and all, ITU BUKAN NORMAL! itu adalah anorexia. itu adalah mutant. itu adalah tidak normal.
itu… adalah optical illusion. tolong jangan impose an optical illusion on me, por favor. when you see me and call me fat, you are falling for it, man. you are falling for the freaky optical illusion that big sister wants you to so that you’d go on all the rubbish diets and buy all that crap pills and make other people rich and you still feeling fat and hopeless. i am NOT FAT. oleh it, tolong jangan terpedaya with what you see. aku normal :)
i will have my slice of chocolate cake now, sekian terima kasih.