i walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. there were a lot of little kids there. i watched them flying. doing jumps and having races. and i thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. and all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. and they will all kiss someone someday. but for now, sledding is enough. i think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn’t. ~ stephen chbosky

i just read on some random site that the durian is an aphrodisiac. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! ini mesti mat salleh yang tulis. no self respecting south east asian would ever ever have anything to do with another mate who has just freshly been on a durian binge. the site goes on to describe mangosteen and rambutan as funny cartoon-like fruits. okay lah, the description is not way off la, tapi its new to me lah.

your next question should be why the hell am i browsing website buah-buahan tempatan in the middle of a tuesday afternoon. oh well.

i’ve been attending a series of discussions and talks over the past few weeks and was introduced to the idea of the journey from denial to despair. bear with me on this one. the idea suggests that things that you take for granted now and just ignore (denial) will accumulate and get worse and worse and worse (because you’re not doing anything about it, duh), up to a poit when you do realise how terrible things are, and its so hard to dig yourself out of the mess, that you become depressed (despair). denial to despair. got it.

and so the first idea that come with the application of this denial to despair idea is environmentalism. that you know, we are in denial over how bad environmental conditions are that it gets worse and worse. and thus a journey of getting worse and worse. and then one day, you will snap out with a WHAM! and see how fucked up things have gotten, and realise that if you only sat up to listen sooner, things would not be in such a mess. and all this guilt and regret and all equals despair.

and then this dude gets on the mike, and by now, the people running the show had already put half the crowd on the snooze express, rite, and so this one particular dude gets on the mike. he’s one of the forestry guys from sabah. and he starts talking about taking care of trees.

me, i was in lala land. i was gazing at the mushroom motive lighting pieces on the top of the event venue’s ballroom and admiring the copper lines that ran from the middle of the fixtures to the gold edges. the amber lighting had such a fantastic effect. a smooth, but strong glow.

and then something about that dude standing on the stage, pouring his heart out about the forests of sabah struck me. you see, i know about deforestation and why logging is bad and conservation and biodiversity. i know the whole soil erosion story and wildlife protection and the beauty of a thousand year old tree. and i wonder… i wonder if all of the other people in the room knew it too. or are they hearing this for the first time. because that’s how this poor dude on the stage were talking to them. can you imagine it, a room full of highly educated, power suited managers and executives being lectured about forest protection by a dude that anyone could imagine in a worn out ranger outfit.

and to me, there is something just so so strange about this picture. this is the sort of talk you give to kids, to students. all that about saving the animals and keeping the trees alive. you teach this kinda stuff to children. not because they’re not important. that’s extremely important. and adults, especially those half way up the management food chain, should already know this stuff. and it bothers me that they don’t. it bothers me that there people can get postgraduate degrees, write power proposals and cook up brilliant strategies to rake in thousands and millions of dollars, but have not realised what climate change is.

and so this dude tells us that because of logging and deforestation for plantation purposes, our forests are under threat. but this is a particularly sticky issue. nobody would have thought that forestry politics would actually be among the most complicated ever, especially here in malaysia. well this is where i stop ranting. i don’t do the whole political scene, you see. not online anyway.


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