so, this is my life. and i want you to know that i am both happy and sad and i’m still trying to figure out how that could be. ~ the perks of being a wallflower

if you every meet me, remember to never ever ask me about the second week in the blessed month of march, year 2010. just don’t do it. no matter how tempting it is. i know that loads of kay poh people read this blog, some of who think they know me well enough in real life to appear curiously concerned and all that garbage, but i’m telling you that for the sake of all that you hold dear in what little we share, don’t do it.

all you need to know is that i will be okay. which is not to say that i am not okay now. whatever. i just know that somebody upstairs has a purpose for me, and i might not know why or how or what or why or why or why, but i am comfortable enough being his instrument. and honestly, if that is good enough for me, you can call me as shallow as the shore, and i won’t hold it against you.

god knows i’ve stopped asking why a long time ago. i’m not saying that its a good thing or you should try it, but it works for me. i have no other explanation to offer.

if there was ever a time when i cast my fate, my heart, the essence of my being completely into the wind, completely on the sails towards whatever that lies in the horizons yonder of my sight, this would be it.

i believe in miracles. but i learnt that not all miracles reveal wonderful things. they are miracles nevertheless. a testimony of greater power with greater reason beyond our own small minds and selfish hearts. and like all miracles, we grasp about to find why. and how. and why. dear god, how? and why me? and the again, why me?

so don’t ask me. i don’t know. they say its a miracle. i think its a miracle. but small minds and selfish hearts are not the ones i want to have an in depth conversation about what happened with.

One thought on “so, this is my life. and i want you to know that i am both happy and sad and i’m still trying to figure out how that could be. ~ the perks of being a wallflower

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