a text came in late lat night. two months after i have submitted a project – two months ago! i thought i would be over and done with that one already! – the text tells me that there was a problem with the print quality specifications. the result? i spent the morning trying to make clear the difference between shapes and colours. how can anything be more pre-school than that? a square, a triangle and a circle, is different from a blue, a red and a green.
stepping out of the studio for a breather, i visualise mini me in a red dress and two pigtails on my head held by narrow strips of polka dotted ribbons. even at six years old, i was already a wallflower. if only that kid knew the kind of people she’d need to deal with fast forward twenty years. she would not be too worried that her socks sometimes did not match.
speaking of which, some of my former students recently tracked me down. some are still studying and some are working. as an instructor many years junior of the academy’s broader teaching staff many years back, i was eager to educate the world. i genuinely cared that my students would be able to use what they learnt in its most practical sense.
that was many years ago.
i don’t know how to perceive them now. as that relentless teacher who would grind them to the whites of their knuckles just before they sit for an exam? or as the distasteful and cynical writer that i fear that i have become? or, dear god in heaven, just as me? the me that has always, and now, by choice, will always, be a wallflower with socks that don’t always match.
i need to detox. seriously.