that which needs to be proved cannot be worth much. ~ friedrich nietzsche

V is getting married – well, i am not sure yet if i will be attending – next month. mainly because i am just too disgustingly cynical for weddings in general. my saving grace are a fleet of excuses at my disposal. puasa is one. very in season. i could so easily go with that.

the only thing i got going for me on this particular wedding tho, is curiosity. and we all know what happened to the cat because of that. then again, if the cat even tried to resist, the temptation would just cause it to electrocute itself anyway. arranged marriage, and all the tradition goodness that goes with it. curiosity, much? see what i mean? fried cat.

i am thinking of taking a break from my regular editorial stuff to work on some new long-term projects. two, particularly in mind. FM is one of it. my team is pretty excited about it at the moment, but it is the kind of energy that flickers then sputters after a few weeks and i am left to play queen bitch when that happens.

the other is to work on my book. ST, who is one of those people nagging me to get started, asked me last week if it would be a fiction or documentary style. personally, i am not sure. i would love to write openly about my travels and all the little details that zests things up. just that i don’t think people who know me for different hats could take that side of me with a spoonful of sugar – if you know what i mean.

and as much as i would just like to tell those people that they could just go and screw themselves on a cactus for all i care, in actuality, i do care. and after all that i have seen, done, and all the people i have encountered, i do like, and even need to be different people in different places. i actually appreciate different people seeing different sides of me simultaneously. i want different people to be interested in different aspects of me. cynical me has lost faith in anyone ever understanding me completely, but it is actually okay. there are plenty of people out there who are far more entertaining because they do not understand me. i guess that is okay too.

for this very reason, i want to write a multi-faceted travelogue. i still don’t know if i would classify it as fiction yet. i want people to know it is about me, and i want people to know that it is not about me.

does that make sense to you the way it does to me? it really does not matter if it does not, you know.

egocentric la pulak, kan? pfttt.


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