amor fati – ‘love your fate’, which is in fact your life. ~ friedrich nietzsche

HG says it could be something in the air. i am thinking it is the water. or the weather. i just need to think that there has to be something more tangible playing these games on us. too many things going weird – the bad kinda weird – all at the same time. and it is not just me saying this. mass depression of the multi faceted nature is both comforting and excruciating at the same time. do i care to explain? no.

the office is having a yassin, tahlil, doa selamat and solat hajat next week in the the run up to ramadhan. i am inclined to think that someone in the surau committee is currently experiencing bad jujus too.

the past few days have seen me in lapses of emo mode. i am not particularly interested in talking about this either. i want so much to tell everyone to pull themselves together and grow some balls to face the world in the face, but i am now at a point where if someone tries to pull anything from me anymore, i will permanently dislocate their balls.

no, get it in your concrete skull – i don’t want to talk about it. if it makes you feel any better, nothing is wrong. happy now? is that okay? we all got issues, but i am FINE. i am basking in the golden rays of a bright, bright sun shiny day and all the care bears eating strawberries and happy.

i am sorry.

my girlfriends have tried. i am sorry. but it is not what you all think. i am okay. really. or rather, i will be. i love all of you. you are all beautiful people. i mean it. but you cannot understand. and i will be okay. you want to help me – just stay tuned. don’t leave me. please, don’t leave me. let me phase in and out of these moments of depression and just be here. don’t say anything. don’t try to help me up. and please, don’t treat me like a sick person either.

just stay close to me. things really are not what you think. and i don’t feel like sharing. i will get over this. i always do. in my own way. in my own space. in my own time.


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