so here’s the deal: two years of winging it and i’ve never completed a nano. unbelievable. for the past two novembers in the las two years i have been hoping that my brain would spill forth the great malaysian novel of our times and what do i have to show for it? takde apa apa. nothing. zero. kosong. as my gandfather puts it: saria-pochi!!!
how malu-fying is that? i am a writer la wei. that is what it says on my name card. that is the most natural explaination for some of the sorrier things i ocassionally do… like being depressed over petty matters and staying up all night long… er… researching… studying!!!:P – i am a writer! i experience and i express, dammit!!!
so this year, i’m relenting and going old school. i shall do a draft. i shall have a proper plot. heck, i have a title this year that might actually look pretty darn good on the cover of an actual novel, you know what i mean? ‘walking upright’ – damn, that sounds mighty fine right about now. easy to remember. catchy. somewhat philosophical. mysterious. and the best part, it really could mean just about anything so if my plot screws up midway, the title still stays as long as i can get the ending to just somewhat be reflective of it, kan? at the risk of sounding like a total linguistic geek, it is the vagueness of the title is actually a headline technique used in subtle media attraction. i just presented a seminar paper on headlinese:)
i wrote a draft. well, sorta.
to tell you the truth, i am actually afraid of the characterisation process of this or really, any other writings i do. i’m a perfectionist in the sense that i really do want to see well developed characters with their own personal attributes. but i am also scared of how too well developed that they become, and in realising this, come to the awareness that all these characters i create are reflections of me – are pieces of me.
i know i am being weird here, but it is to me, like some freaky voodoo-ish thing, where i control the character – or so it seems at first – and then the characters take on a life and a soul of their own, and all of a sudden, they are the ones doing what they want to do – they take over the novel – MY novel – and before i know it, they are telling me what to write and they are telling me what to do. from another warped point of view, it is like having children – and nurturing them – and then watching them grow up and making lives of their own and here i am stuck – struggling instead to discover who they are. the empty nest syndrome.
yea i know, i’m in a pretty screw up state of mind at the moment.
i have three main characters for this year’s nano. my setting is all over malaysia. it is an adventure story, a little bit of a mystery – i decided that i’ll have an object of obsession in the novel, andthat will be the rafflesia. why the stinkin rafflesia? well, the flower is really actually far more interesting that you think.
i am writing literary fiction and am crossing all my toes in hopes tha it does not turn into a chick lit… wait… it CANNOT turn into chick lit… two of my mains are dudes and the only girl main i have is going to be such a damn cynic, the chick lit chicks will hate her. this is where you but in telling me that hating one another is the very essence of chick lits. oh well.
find my nano and see my progress here. don’t expect me to be too industrious at it though. i have a feeling that someday, the re-definition of procrastination will begin with my name.