shot through the heart and you’re to blame

my sleep has been terribly disturbed. it has been almost three months now. my neck and shoulders is sore from all the tossing and turning. i am increasingly clumsy in the office. i just bumped my knee on my drawer. it is bleeding now.

but i am hurt by a different sort of pain.

i know that i have posted these lyrics on this blog before. but i am feeling particularly miserable today. i have been trying and am still trying to concentrate on things that i have going for me. my masters. my photography. my writings.

but i am led down that downward spiral once again.

these days, the stars seem out of reach
these days, there ain’t a ladder on these streets
these days are fast
love don’t lasts in this graceless age
even innocence has caught the midnight train

~bon jovi~

i am weaker than i thought i would be. i am praying that someday i can say that this is just a phrase, and that weakness is just a natural part of being human, and that i will be not necessarily stronger, but wiser from this.

today may not be the day. but someday.

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