I have the true feeling of myself only when I am unbearably unhappy. -Franz Kafka-

being immobile sucks. in my line of work, where i am constantly on the move, it really does not matter the distance if it is far or near, in town or outstation. i need to be able to move around. i need to ba able to get from one point to another and another after that. without taking long detours. without having to wait for te mode of transportation to arrive. without having to depend on others. and without needing to wait for other people. last week lagi la. i had work outstation to do. do you have any frickkin’ idea what i had to go through?

i know that it is syawal and all, but i still curse the dude who knocked into my car. what happened to my ramadhan spirit? what happened to the spirit of forgiveness that peaked just a week ago? well listen. i forgive him. i forgive him for speeding. for not looking. for hitting my car. for hitting it so bad that i found out that i need to have the whole boot replaced and need to wait until next monday for the spare parts to arrive and only then can work begin. for smashing into my rear window and yes, i need to replace that thing also. for hitting my bumper into my back tyres. no problem dude. those things we can fix.

but until i get my car back and have my life restored into normal mode, you will just have to bare with being my one and only victim of unreasonable, yet justified frustrations which i assure you, there will be lots and lots of it next week.

i have all these appointments to go for and most of them are night functions. kalau daytime, i can still get a train. like yesterday. an lrt to a press conference and back again. no, it is not convenient. my office in not located within walking distance to an lrt station. to get from either my office to my parents’ house or my boyfriend’s place, i will need to take two to three trains. two three trains. have you any fucking idea what a bloody waste of time that is? for both destinations, i need to get trains from at least two different train companies. that means lining up twice. waiting at the station twice. boarding and wresting with the train folk twice and then taking a cab from where ever i am to where ever i need to be.

(my boyfriend, by the way, has revealed himself to be a true champion through these hard times. having not only to put up with driving me around when he is in town, he has been my loyally listening ear where it comes to my vents and whinings when it comes to transportation and inconvenience. i know it has been painful on you, dear, but you have no idea how much i truly appreciate you!)

so next week my functions are at night. they are social networking functions that i have to be at if i want to get projects and things. these functions start late evening and go into the night and they are all in the middle of kuala lumpur. i swear, i am going to bite anyone who suggests me to take the train back to subang after the function. and then from subang do what? flap my wings and fly home is it?

if daytime, i can still tumpang a collegue. i can’t expect them to send me back after my functions.

and not being able to go anywhere afte work and all bites. i hitch a ride to work from my mom and come into the office a good whole hour before eveyone else and sit like a dungu at my cubicle by myself. you know what that means? it means that every morning, i am robbed of one hour of potential sleep time, just so that i can come to the office.

so to you, dude who slammed into my car. you have absolutely no idea what kind of trouble you have caused me, but don’t worry. i have lots and lots of frustration to share and the way i see it, i have more and more to spare with the dawn of everyday.

so how am i? how am i? i am damn pissed. i hate being immobile. i hate being dependent. i hate relying on people about things that i know i can do myself. i don’t like waiting for people and having to revolve around other people’s schedules just so that i can hitch a ride.

i will be outstation tomorrow and through the whole weekend. i know that i will be missing the nano (i am finally in the 10k club, huffing and puffing all the way) meet up on friday and that dining event this saturday, but i think the office saw how distressed i was and sent me to an assignment where transport is provided and all. i am personally appreciative about it but to you mr- hit- and- run, i will get back to you when i get back on monday.


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