Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future. -unknown

maybe its the weather.

my emotive persona has taken imagination to new heights of weary and melancholy. it certainly does not help (to be fair, neither could it be helped) that the radio stations are playing sad love songs all morning. having james blunt for company in my cd player only exentuates the misery of the cold and dark morning. i’m panda eyed and on the verge of tears, all the way to work.

i think it might be the weather.

not only are the forces of nature going on destructive vibes these days, but so are people, and i’m only sparingly refering to the bombings and border wars.

but this is not why i am just so utterly down. actually, i don’t know why i am down. i just know that i have every right and reason to be. and i know i am not alone.

i’m overly sensitive over the littlest things these days. the smallest things makes me upset in a dark, undeserving and self sympathetic sort of way. oh, i’m definately sure i’m not alone. i could almost confidently say that everyone around me is just as gloomy or snappy or pessimistic or all of the above. and i’m not the only one in realisation of this either. plenty of people are having unexplainable mood swings. some people are more surprised by the mass of this hopelessness vibes than others.

it’s so the weather.

it’s cold. and dark. and dull. and wet.

while i am longing for my pillows and blankets to sleep the darkness away, a collegue of mine wishes he was clutching hot coffee in a sidewalk cafe.

i never realised the depth of that imagery until last night.

it is in my darkest and coldest and saddest moments in my life that i need you the most. you are my warmth. someday, like the changing winds, it will be sunny again. but dark days like these happen. this is not the first and certainly not the last. it is when i’m running on nothing and i am soulfully drained, that i need you to hold on to me most. to weather whatever turbulance of the stormy days in my heart.

i need your patience. i need your gentle encouragement. most of all, i need you.

maybe i got too much rain outside and it just soaked my brain down. but while my brain might be a soggy mush of grey matter, my heart’s still running the race. it does not know the future. i’m truthful at this, i have no idea what the future is. but it knows its past and where it has been, and it knows the road it is on now. and it wants to stay on it.

it will be brave, if yours will too.

this whole blog entry might as well be the result of yet another of my over sensitive mood swings. but this is me. i may be momentarily unreasonable. i may be temporarily uncapable of logical thought. the hopelessness of today may be completely blown out of proportion.

all the more reason why i need you more today.


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