WHen i stand before thee at the day’s end, thou shalt see my scars and know that i had my wounds and also my healing. -rabindranath tagore

it’s been an exhausting weekend and monday. i have been working and working and working, and much to my darling boyfriend’s distress, been working some more. i have a whole lot of articles to complete before wednesday, a task which i had plans to have completed by today, but it was an optimistic ambition to begin with anyway. i’ll need to sent two more in tomorrow. fingers crossed that i won’t get too distracted to do so tonight.

i have an evening of friends planned, what i believe will be a utm reunion plus me, somehow, for some reason. i’ve always had an affiliation with them and they’re terrific people, really. of course, the past year or so has seen me increasingly closer to old skool debaters from other universities as well, something i truly cherish, but deeply wish for friends from my own university.

its not that the old debaters from my university are jerks. maybe it is because i was too naive in the subject of tactful friendship in those years. reflecting, i was never the best debater. neither was i the most knowledgable or the most articulate or the one with the wildest attitude. but i loved debating, a passion i may have brought overboard one too many times in the course of my education.

i don’t debate anymore. and i am no longer interested in adjudication anymore (have i ever been?). i am more interested in friends now. friends beyond the debate house. i guess i have grown over the years. i’m more open now. i am more accepting now, more tolerant, more forgiving. i speak less. i do more.

in the field i am in, i really don’t want to carry any more bad memories than i have to. there are moments that have pained me, and still remain with me. but there are also those times i laughed so hard until i swear my sides ached like crazy.

friends. i am intersted in the good times now. good times with friends. i’d have a cuppa with anyone from old skool debates whenever i could. i have put all the bad behind me. as much as i could, anyway. i don’t want to be known as magic the debater anymore. i never planned to be debating forever.

but i did and do plan to have friends forever, or for as long as possible, while i am still here. life’s just far too short to hold on to grudges and things like that. i’m still that girl- naive about the world, not very knowledgable, not very articulate, not outrageously wild. just a bit more careful now.

and turning 25 in six hours and counting…


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