I can picture in my mind a world without war,a world without hate.And I can picture us attacking that world,because they’d never expect it. -j.handy-

My new assistant is among the freakiest girls I have ever met. I did not see her when she came into the office and the boss introduced her today. She has not gotten her computer and all yet, so she has been helping the other writers in the department with their clerical jobs, which is what she is supposed to do anyway.

This evening, I stayed back at the office and was reading some emails from friends, when suddenly, her head pops right next to me staring smack into my computer monitor. It was completely freaky. It was as if the jaws soundtrack was playing in the background and all of a sudden, she swoops up close range.

I am a person who requires a pretty sizeable comfort zone, especially when it comes to strangers, even if it is another girl. Gender really does not matter to me. I am just not the sort that goes huggie wuggie near people I just got to know.

But it does not stop there. When she swooped up on me, I instantly closed the email window I was reading. How would an average reasonable person react? Back off, right?

This girl did not. When the email window closed, my address book poped up and her eyes remained fixed at the window. When I closed my address book, my word document popped up and she was still looking. When that window closed, there was nothing left on the screen but my desktop wallpaper and four icons- my computer, my document, recycle bin and internet explorer. Her eyes remained fixed on the screen. Oh-kay..

I pushed my chair away from my own computer screen, but still no movement from her. I said hello. She smiled. No head movement. Totally freaky.

I shut down the computer. She turns her head to me and asks me my race and religion. Wtf?!

I usually entertain people who start enquiring about me, but this just got too weird. I told her I did not want to talk about it and she starts asking questions about my mom. I wanted to scream at her. But I considered the idea that she is fresh out of school, has not tertiary education and is into her first job. She is skinny with tight, curly hair and unbelievably huge eyes that never seems to blink. She is a malay and speaks hardly any English at all.

I picked up my mug and walked to the pantry to wash it. When I came back, she was still there. My computer is shut down and I told here I was going home. I was packing my stuff into my back as she looked, but not touch, at the stuff I had on my desk. Rite.

I got my stuff together, could hardly push my chair back under the table because she is still fixed like a plant in front of my computer. I push the chair in sideways, pick up my back, said bye and walked out.

I tell you, if I had things my way, I would have completely blasted her nit wit brains out. Not only would I have screamed at her, I could have easily manhandled her because she is so pathetically scrawny and I have been able to pack in a couple of extra calories since hanging my damn tennis racquet on the bloody wall. I would have knocked her over and make sure that she does not come on my side of the office for a long, long time. Okay la, I would not have hit her la, but I have learnt a number of choice four, five, six and seven lettered words that would have scarred her for months to come, and drive her back to her little kampung where they would have to pry her out from under her coconut husk stuffed bed!!!

But no way jose, I will be seeing her again at the office tomorrow morning, and I will have to smile and pretend that the office is filled with rainbows, pink clouds and cubby little blue elephants, and that everything is just perfectly fine.

On a lighter note, my fish refused to eat fish pellets and i have resorted to feeding it ants, which, might i add, the fish is consuming quite happily.


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