understand what i’ve become, it wasn’t my design. and people everywhere think something better than i am. but i miss you.

Have you ever seen a bright light, and then your whole life flashing before your very eyes?

Neither have I, and I do not want that to happen.

At least not now and not in the very nearest of futures.

I was in a car accident yesterday. My brother drove his kembara and picked me up at the train station after an assignment.

We arrived were on the left side of the main road and indicated that we wanted to turn right at a t-junction when a car speeding from the opposite direction ran straight into us, smashing our car with a loud bang on the front left side.

I was on the passenger side. The side that got crashed into.

My brother appeared dazed. The car started reclining and seeing that my brother was clearly disoriented, I pulled hard on the hand brake. The car stopped moving. My brother went out to see the damage.

There was a middle-aged couple in the other car. I can’t remember what car it was. I know it was black and one of those four-wheelers. The aunty was clearly outraged and strung a line of vulgarities at my brother. The uncle was speechless and did not say anything at all.

I was stuck in the car. The impact of the crash had dented part of the car on my side. If not for my seat belt, I would have been thrown from the window. The door on my side could not open and I felt sharp burning sensations in my legs.

Everyone was too occupied at the extend of damage to notice me. The other car was impacted from the dead front. Its bumper fell off. Its bonnet was dented in and there was water dripping out the front.

As I have mentioned, we were impacted from the side. Part of the front left side smashed in the passenger side.

Trauma took over, numbing my pain. When I could not open the door, I forced it open. When it still would not open, I kicked it out and fell out of the car.

I did not make too much of a fuss since I could stand and walk and all. Plus, everyone was just much too occupied with the extend of damage rather than me. That aunty never stopped talking about her car and how angry she was and how she was in a hurry to get somewhere.

She said it was our fault for not giving way on her road. Mom came and started arguing how she was speeding and was clearly in a rush and her the impact on the side indicated that she crashed into us instead of us crashing into her.

The argument went on and on all the way to the police station. Both cars were towed.

I went home, picked up and bottle of minyak angin, got my car and went to the office. I had work to do.

I felt really forgotten amidst all the commotion. The injury I sustained is more than the three huge purple bruises on my ankle, shin and knee.

I was point blank in a high speed collision. If the impact was just a little higher, or if that car was just a little faster, or if h did not have that seat belt…..

The scene keeps playing over and over again in my mind. A slow motion picture of a massive black four wheeler heading straight towards me. Metal protruding slowly and inevitably towards me. Being swinged from one side of my seat to another. Trapped in a car that would not let me out.

I know that it sounds that I am just making a huge fuss out of all this. But I guess it is not as much as what did happen as compared to what could have happen. It is those possibilities that disturb me, being so close from what could have been bloody and far uglier that purple blue blobs under my skin.

But not completely forgotten.

My darling was kind enough to rub Chinese medicated oil on my bumps though I was screaming like a madwoman the whole time.

Where one door closes, another opens. God is fair.

Driving from and to work yesterday evening and this morning, I keep reliving the tragedy over and over again in my mind. The sound of crashing haunts me and I am a little more paranoid on the road.

Yesterday, it just burned and was purple. This morning, it was far more painful than yesterday and then some. It had turned bluish brown. It was also painful behind my calf, on my shoulder and behind my neck.

My dial will be on light and easy for the next few days.


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