Isn’t it ironic, Richard Parker? We’re in hell yet still we’re afraid of immortality. Look how close you are! -life of pi-

i’m learning the same lessons over and over again. to live life for the moment.

often, i tend to get ahead of myself; dreaming of wonderful futures, imagining all the amazing things that could happen and that everything simply fell into place. that all the good people in the world are bountifully rewarded. and all the rude people get what they duly deserve… and then they would repent… and then the world would be happy ever after…

… and then reality hits me on the head with a wooden stool [i was going to put 'metal chair' but that just sounded to wwf-ish].

the stool smashes on the floor, by the way.

but then, who wouldn’t dream of the perfect future? who wouldn’t want to imagine life where things turn out exactly how it should go?

and then i think… maybe this is how it happens…?

maybe this is how it all is supposed to happen. all these ups and so many downs are all part of what is exactly supposed to happen. i am exactly where i am supposed to be and doing exactly what i am supposed to do at this moment in time. all the twists and turns i’ve ever needed to experience, and all the rights and wrongs i’ve ever had to made has led me to this precise moment in time where i am where i have always supposed to be…

here.

now.

and supposing that this ultimate balance exist, that i am where i have always meant to be, then won’t the logic of this contemplation hypotesize that i have and always will be where i ought to be? all the ups were meant to be. all the downs were meant to be…

i realize…

that striking a balance between the ups and downs was never really the point…

our reaction to them, which will lead to the next base, is.

then maybe dreams and wonderful imaginings of the future does not really matter all that much. because life will always lead me to where i needed to be at the point in time. life might not be fair, but it is responsible in that sense.

and would we rush to be in more than one point in time at the same time?

this is what is called trust. trust in the unseen mysteries of the divine.

i thank you for today.

i thank you for another day to be with those i love and who love me. i thank you for another chance to prove to the world that i am capable of thought and of solutions. i thank you for the realization of how fragile life is, that makes the time i have so much more precious.

i put my trust in tomorrow on you.

i pray for another day to prove to you that i am worthy of it.

goodnight.

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