que quowle [stay with me forever] ~ jacob black

J surprised me last night with an outing to see the second episode of the twilight saga, new moon.

one of the radio stations was talking the other day about team jacob and team edward.

having see the movie, i am on team edward cullen. absolutely.

god knows the past, the present and the future. in that case, he had placed her in this world with the full knowledge that she would end up killing herself, and he would no longer shocked by her actions. this would work as great rationalisation for committing any kind of sin. ~ veronika decides to die

*this post contains spoilers for the book veronika decides to die by paulo coelho. consider yourself warned.

just finished this book a few nights ago. the thing is, after the alchemist, one tends just to have too much of a expectation on paulo coelho. including me. which i think is not fair. books should be judged as individuals. but it really is something one cannot help. oh well.

reflecting on the plot, though, it is pretty good. there is an interesting twist at the end, but the kind you don’t really expect coming. and in actuality, i was even a little bit disappointed. i actually would have liked to read a whole beautiful dramatic scene about how veronika dies and how people would reflect on her life, or even something hypothetical about life after death. something spectacular like that la.

sigh. i knew the whole thing about asking eduard to be a painter again was just too short lived.

you know what could have really saved the thing for me? a skitch at the end, something like at the end of movies. something that says how veronika and eduard and mari and the doctor go on to live their life. something like veronika goes home and now takes annual death defying bungee jumping trips or eduard goes on to be a graffiti artiste or mari goes on to be a pole dancer or the doctor becomes a metal patient himself or whatever la. you get the pic.

it is not a bad story. just needs a little more magic, if you ask me. it is suppose to be one of those everyday miracle of life kinda story anyway, right? and i actually like these kinda stories. as a writer, i like to pepper the ends of my stories with things like this. the everyday miracle kinda thing. i once wrote a piece that ended with the forest coming alive with the sparkles of a hundred fireflies. or something like that la. that article went on to be nominated for some kind of award some years back. you ya, people apparently like these kinda things too.

and so, death comes. i have actually resigned to the idea that i will die young quite some time ago. and a large part of me, when i am in that state of consciousness, still believes in it. i mean, at the rate i’m going – climbing trees la, jumping off cliffs la, walking around volcanoes la – it really is just a matter of time before something does the trick. and yes, there are still a bunch of things i want to do before i die – which reminds me, i need to make a list – i try to, in the words of time mcgraw, live like you were dying. because, well, i am.

and well, just in case i don’t go yet, i make plans for the future. a string of places waiting for me to set foot on next year. holidays with the akurians. work stuff – more saving the world. or at least try to. i think trying is important.

and just in case i do go sooner that i thought, i try to happify every grudge i hold. and let me tell you this, if i just like suddenly vanish from this world, i want you to know that there is no bitterness that i would hold against anyone. i ain’t no saint. in fact, i am really as ordinary as the next person. but dude, the whole excess baggage thing is just heavy on the soul, man. and for that long trip to meet my maker, i’d rather pack me some laughing points. i actually think god has a sense of humour. i hope he does.

and so, you know all those things people say about the dead – she was a wonderful human being bla bla bla – i don’t know if i would get any of those. i think i would be happy with, “not-bad.” she was a not-bad person. i think that would do.

and at the end of it all, i’d like that everyday miracle kinda ending. that i have lived, and although i did not do anything special, at least i tried. yes, i definitely think trying is important.

at least i tried :)

cannonball ~ damien rice

still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it’s still a little hard to say what’s going on

still a little bit of your ghost, your witness
still a little bit of your face i haven’t kissed
you step a little closer each day
that i can’t say what’s going on

stones taught me to fly, love taught me to lie
life taught me to die so it’s not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

still a little bit of your song in my ear
still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that I can’t see what’s going on

stones taught me to fly, love taught me to cry
so come on courage, teach me to be shy
cause its not hard to fall, and i don’t want to scare her
its not hard to fall and i don’t want to lose

its not hard to grow
when you know that you just don’t know

twelve states of being

someone told me that you could actually tell a thing or two about the state a person is in by the songs currently on their mp3 player. so to ascertain this hypothesis, i thought i’d share twelve songs on my current playlist.

• blessid union of souls – i believe
• bon jovi – these days
• dave mathews band – the space between
• death cab for cutie – marching bands of manhattan
• dire straits – brothers in arms
• green day – 21 guns
• journey – faithfully
• linkin park – shadow of the day
• nirvana – smells like teen spirit
• pixie lott – use somebody
• the script – the man that can’t be moved
• tracy chapman – fast car

so what can you tell about me from this list?

use somebody ~ kings of leon

i’ve been roaming around, was looking down at all i see
painted faces fill the places i can’t reach
you know that I could use somebody

someone like you and all you know and how you speak
countless lovers under cover of the street
you know that i could use somebody

someone like you

off in the night while you live it up, i’m off to sleep
waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
i hope it’s gonna make you notice

someone like me

i’m ready now

someone like you

i’ve been roaming around, i was looking down at all i see

fast car ~ tracy chapman

you got a fast car and i want a ticket to anywhere
maybe we make a deal, maybe together we can get somewhere

any place is better, starting from zero got nothing to lose
maybe we’ll make something but me myself i got nothing to prove

you got a fast car and i got a plan to get us out of here
been working at the convenience store, managed to save just a little bit of money

we won’t have to drive too far just cross the border and into the city
you and i can both get jobs and finally see what it means to be living

you see my old man’s got a problem
he lived with the bottle that’s the way it is

he says his body’s too old for working
his body’s too young to look like his

my mama went off and left him
she wanted more from life than he could give

i said somebody’s got to take care of him
so i quit school and that’s what i did

you got a fast car but is it fast enough so we can fly away?
we gotta make a decision – we leave tonight or live and die this way

i remember we were driving, driving in your car
the speed so fast i felt like i was drunk

city lights lay out before us
and your arm felt nice wrapped around my shoulder

and i had a feeling that i belonged
and i had a feeling i could be someone, be someone, be someone

you got a fast car and we go cruising to entertain ourselves
you still ain’t got a job and i work in a market as a checkout girl

i know things will get better, you’ll find work and i’ll get promoted
we’ll move out of the shelter, buy a big house and live in the suburbs

you got a fast car and i got a job that pays all our bills
you stay out drinking late at the bar

see more of your friends
than you do of your kids

i’d always hoped for better
thought maybe together you and me would find it

i got no plans and i ain’t going nowhere
so take your fast car and keep on driving

never say never ~ the fray

some things we don’t talk about
better do without, just hold a smile

we’re falling in and out of love
the same damn problem, together all the while

you can never say never when we don’t know why
time and time again, younger now then we were before

don’t let me go, don’t let me go
don’t let me go, don’t let me go

picture, you’re the queen of everything
as far as the i can see, under your command

i will be your guardian when all is crumbling
steady your hand

we’re falling apart and coming together again and again
we’re coming apart but we hold it together

hold it together
together again

21 guns ~ green day

do you know what’s worth fighting for?
when it’s not worth dying for?
does it take your breath away
and you feel yourself suffocating?

does the pain weigh out the pride?
and you look for a place to hide?
did someone break your heart inside?
you’re in ruins

one, 21 guns
lay down your arms, give up the fight
one, 21 guns
throw up your arms into the sky, you and i

when you’re at the end of the road
and you lost all sense of control
and your thoughts have taken their toll
when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

your faith walks on broken glass
and the hangover doesn’t pass
nothing’s ever built to last
you’re in ruins

did you try to live on your own
when you burned down the house and home?
did you stand too close to the fire
like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

when it’s time to live and let die
and you can’t get another try
something inside this heart has died
you’re in ruins

saya anak malaysia ~ sudirman / dr sam

1953 bulan 5 aku dilahirkan
di sebuah negeri yang diberi nama negeri sembilan

selepas itu aku dibesarkan di negeri kelantan
aku belajar di sekolah orang putih dekat dengan pasir puteh

saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia
saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia

lepas sekolah aku merayau, negeri mat saleh aku merantau
tempat orang indah sekali, tapi malaysia dekat di hati

saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia
saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia

sampai masa aku pun balik, tapi makwe ku nampak pelik
dia kata nak jadi apa, aku kata itu tuhan punya kuasa

saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia
saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia

lemah lembut sopan santun sudah menjadi darah dagingku
walaupun aku nampaknya kutu, aku hormat orang tuaku

saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia
saya anak malaysia, saya anak malaysia

come together ~ the beatles

here come old flattop, he come grooving up slowly
he got joo-joo eyeball, he one holy roller
he got hair down to his knee
got to be a joker he just do what he please

he wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football
he got monkey finger, he shoot coca-cola
he say “i know you, you know me”
one thing i can tell you is you got to be free
come together right now over me

he bag production, he got walrus gumboot
he got ono sideboard, he one spinal cracker
he got feet down below his knee
hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
come together right now over me

he roller-coaster, he got early warning
he got muddy water, he one mojo filter
he say, “one and one and one is three”
got to be good-looking ’cause he’s so hard to see
come together right now over me