First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination. ~ Napoleon Hill

 

Take responsibility for yourself because no one’s going to take responsibility for you. ~ Tyra Banks

hey little girl!

i know you think that right about now, the whole world owes you a living because your the superstar bitch because you splatter yourself with make up and all the boys are interested in you because you have a nice personality when in fact, they only like the way you wear tight and skimpy shirts, because seriously girl, there ain’t nothing upstairs to shout out about. you think that just because you smile that way, shake that ass and hike your shirt up to your boobs, the world would fall to your feet. you think that this is your time and pretty rebel means you rule the world and you can own anything.

newsflash. I AM the superstar bitch and i don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.

not even 21 la, bitch please, there is a reason why there is a legality limit to those things that you consider so cool to be doing underage. it is so that you can taste all those without ruining your fucking future. that is why we all college years the stupid years. and that is an important phase. so that even though you are out there wasting your nights away, there is that something for you to fall back on, the possibility of a real future when all of this gets old and stale.

you think that life is a party now but seriously, at the rate you’re going, you party will be over by the time you hit your mid-20s when you realise that you ain’t got no education, your face makes you look like you are in your 40s because of all the vices that you think is so damn cool to indulge in, your body is sick and tired because you have not treated it with respect, your friends have moved on to bigger and better things and have no more time to listen to you yap about how fabulous life will be when you move on to hollywood. your family, yeah, well i suppose that your family might take you back, of which you should be very very grateful for, looking at the way you are treating them right now.

the fact is, life can be a one big party, but not if you don’t have any self respect. all that nonsense about thinking that you are so hot and because of that you absolutely positively have to wear the tightest and skimpiest outfits so you can flaunt what you got with all the boys – darling, it only makes you look cheap. here you are complaining that guys don’t take you seriously – it is because of all this whoring that you do. you got to realise that a girl who bounces her tits as she prances down a lorong is not the kind of girl that he wants to take home to meet mommy. oh, and on that note, don’t mess with a boy and his mommy. seriously. respect it.

so little girl, as long as you have that princess bitch mentality, you really will keep getting hurt. i guess the most hilarious part is you wondering why us so-called less hotter girls have more friends, have a better relationship with our families, have stable relationships with really nice guys, have jobs that decently pays us and are just generally happier. why oh why is the world so damn unfair to a pretty little thing like you? well, to begin with, we don’t pick a fight with the world. you got to realise that we have all been hurt really badly at some point in our lives. many many times too.

don’t you start now with how unfair life is to you. that is just how it rolls. what you need to do is pick yourself up, and by picking yourself up, i am not just talking about picking up the pieces a broken heart blah blah blah. you also got to pick up your dignity. pride. plant it in that air head of yours (yes, there is plenty of space, apparently) that you are not going to sell yourself out to the world. you may get all the attention you want now with all the frolicking, but girl seriously, is the drunk at the bar the kind of attention you want? when all the boys want to strip you, does that make you feel respectable? or does it somehow register in your brain that, “yes! i have found true love!” you have got to get a grip!

the way i see it, you are in for a crash. my dilemma now is knowing that you are gonna get so hurt, but i absolutely believe that this is something that has got to happen. and all long as you think that the world is just being plain unfair and you don’t respect yourself, it is going to happen over and over again.

but maybe one day you will wake up in the morning after a whole night of crying, wipe the dried up tears off your face, stagger to a mirror, look at yourself and say that enough is enough. that you are finally done with all this party gangsta life bullshit, and want to make a change. maybe one day when you scroll through your phone book, you will realise that there isn’t a single contact in there that likes you for anything else other than your body or your image, or maybe not even either. maybe one day when you look at all your slut outfits, you will want to set the whole lot on fire.

i would like to say that i would be here for you when that happens.

but maybe not.

well, maybe.

we’ll see.

 

Belated Valentine’s Day dinner with mom and dad :)

 

I only just realised that my twitter pictures are all coming out small. Need to tweak some settings on yfrog. Dilemma is that smaller pictures actually makes things on mobile so much quicker. Decisions, decisions…

 

My gift to you is merely music. What I hope is at least a temporary cheer in your heart. Your gift to the world was a lifetime. Uncountable cheers that the world must not forget.

band made the sobering trip to play at an old folks home with some other volunteers. the moment the aunties and uncles heard them some elvis, they stood up, pushed their chairs aside, clapped, swayed and danced to the music.

that was also the moment my heart broke.

 

Martha M. Masters. I’m Dr. House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo, and Bite-Size. Martha enjoys quadratic equations, Italian frescoes, and her turn-ons include learning to be a doctor. ~ House MD

 

Defying Gravity ~ Brian May & Kerry Ellis

 

I think I’ll try defying gravity. ~ Wicked

there is something about this lifestyle. i love it and i hate it and i want to keep doing this, but damn, how i wish i did not have it. in the most politically correct sense, i am now juggling with two jobs. my day job which i could really love more if some people would just pull the damn umbrella out of their asses once in awhile, but hey, i don’t hate it and it pays the rent and i can somewhat say that i am doing my tiny bit to saving the world through this would. yeah, superhero me. and then there is my other job. i call it a job because it has every element of what work is. i wish i could advance in this area, but it is so much work and it is so bloody tiring and when it is fun it is fun but i tell you, when the claws come out, this place feels like a ticking time bomb and all i want to do is duck and take cover. this is the superstar me.

they say you should always do what you love. and if you could find a job that you love, then you’re pretty much set.

thing is, i don’t really know if i have found one of those. a job that i love. i know what i love doing so i guess that is what i try to fill my days with. and yes, these things are peppered with things i don’t really like much. more than peppered, in fact. navigating and sucking in through them happens far too often for my personal liking. but this means that i do what i love, so well… i guess nothing really is too good, kan? and i guess a coupla hardships here and there only reminds us to appreciate things that really matter, kan?

i try to hold on to this. focus on the moments where life is perfect, even if it is just a still frame in my mind.

i wish i had more time to write songs. i wish i had more time for my guitar. i wish i had more time to play in the kitchen. i wish i had more time to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. i wish i had more time to spend with people i love.

well, i do. just in shorter spans. i guess this just makes the appreciation point stronger. still frames.

maybe this is just me lamenting. comes with age, i guess. a realisation that i want so much more, i can do so much more… if only i had more time.

no, i don’t hate this life. i can’t hate it. i am a superhero and a superstar. and if this means that i go to bed nearly melting off my bones at night, at least i fall asleep knowing that i love this. here. now. still frames.

 

Something opens our wings. Something makes boredom and hurt disappear. Someone fills the cup in front of us: We taste only sacredness. ~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi

 

Florence and the Machine – Rabbit Heart (Live on KEXP)

 

We are selfish, base animals, crawling across the Earth, [but] because we got brains, if we try real hard we can occasionally aspire to something that is less than pure evil. ~ Dr Gregory House

 

Lady, people aren’t chocolates, but I don’t find that half as annoying as I find bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine. ~ Dr Cox, Scrubs

 

It’s a good job you’re gonna be an actress, Lola, because you haven’t any talent for reality. ~ Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

i know this makes me sound old, but i really think that i am feeling… well, indifferent because of my age. not completely indifferent. not naturally either. but decisively, you know. it is a conscious choice that i am making and am trying very hard to stick to.

like many others, i love the gossip and all. the hotter, the juicier, lagi aku suka. but after dose after dose of goss, i find myself starting to feel nauseous about this whole thing. not to the point of being disgusted. but that threshold where what i would like to think where wisdom takes over and i really don’t care to know anymore. korang nak buat apa pun, korang buat lah. just jangan babitkan aku, jangan kacau aku, dan jangan menyusahkan aku sudah.

don’t misunderstand. things are not bitter. they are, as i said, inducively indifferent. you mind your own business and i will mind my own. that is both an understanding and a warning. we mind our own businesses.

because i think your kind of drama could be contagious. and again, experience tells me so. i have seen your kind. in fact, your kind is the very kind that i would keep my daughter far far away from.

but hey, if i am going to declare a judgement, i would say that i don’t have one. because i can’t say anything good about you. and i am careful in implying the negative to the likes of you. so we stay on our on turf. and that’s all there is to it.

 

After so long, we finally get to sit down together for a… well, not so quiet but nice dinner together to catch up on things that really matter. Like a real good dessert. I’ve heard quite a bit about the Bombe Alaska. Cake, ice cream and fruit cocktail buried under a mountain, not hill, a mountain of meringue and flambe-ed at the table.

 

Eggs bearing halal stickers at a roadside mamak. I’m thinking it is about the water the eggs are boiled in. I can’t think of what animal would produce non-halal eggs. Then again, I don’t eat eggs.