be the change you want to see in the world. – gandhi

i take another environmental pledge today: to the best of my ability, i will bring my own containers for take aways.

i begin with lunch at work – remember i pack breakfasts almost every day? today, i washed out the container, and quite unapologetically stood in line at the cafeteria filling it up with lunch. then, i lined up to pay for it. the others at the cafe, standing in line with their styrofoam take away boxes gave me that sideways look. the makcik at the cashier counter did not tho, just told me how much to pay her.

went back to my workstation where i keep my own pair of chopsticks. eat. rinse the container and put it back in my back to take home for a thorough wash. it will be back tomorrow.

no one told me to do this. i am not a member of any environmental or social group, principally because i oppose any of these sort of organisations which have a publicity arm. this pledge is as simple as me waking up one morning and deciding that i can do better. and that’s all there is to it.

other pledges that i have committed myself to and am currently practicing include:

• i will not eat shark’s fin.
• when going grocery shopping, i will bring my own canvas bags (you get these free with just about everything nowadays – everyone has at least one) instead of taking plastic bags.
• i will reuse my towels in hotels.
• i strictly do not litter. i keep a small bin in my car for this very purpose.
• i carry a water bottle which i fill from home. plastic bottles are really, really bad for the environment.
• i do not chew gum.

i know that the pledges above are really small. quite frankly, i do not see myself out there bobbing banners about seals and whales and chaining myself to tree trunks. in this sense, i don’t think you can call me a activist. i do strongly believe however, in the everyday things that normal people can do to reduce our environmental footprints. things we can do if we just slightly change the way we live. it takes two seconds to fill up your own water bottle to bring with you to work. having your own bin in the car gives you a place to put all those toll receipts that you want to discard. little things. almost unnoticable. almost quite natural. if everyone puts in an effort, could mean a world of difference.

but hey, this is me and i do not believe in shoving things down people’s throats. these are the things i do and if it makes my conscience sigh a little easier then just let me be. oh yes, i have received stupid questions like why won’t i take a plastic bag anyway since its free – both from cashiers and other people. suka hati aku la. and there was a time when my reply was blatantly because i wanted to save the environment. i have received sneers, rolling eyes and even laughs in response to this. nowadays, i just tell people that i’m just that freak that likes to carry things in her bag, or just at hand instead of plastic bags. it gets the job done. whatever.

people ask me, what can one person do? i may pocket my own litter, but thousands of others won’t give a second thought about dropping that sweet wrapper or tossing that tissue out the window. well hell ya, i am just one person. but that’s one person less littering. and i’m okay with that. i ain’t a preacher. but i am a woman of action. i ain’t out to save the world. i’m just here to save myself.

i am not in this world to live up to people’s expectations;
nor do i feel that the world must live up to mine.

- fritz perl

maybe i am one of those lucky ones. lucky to have spent a substantial amount of time in the forests and in the seas to know enough and to see for herself what even one tiny piece of litter dropped at the wrong place at the wrong time can do to spoil nature.

this is me. where i have been, what i have seen have shaped who i am. and i am not a hero. i am just that girl who tries to do a little better. that’s all.

 

knocking on heaven’s door ~ guns & roses

mama, take this badge from me
i can’t use it anymore

it’s getting dark too dark to see
feels like i’m knocking on heaven’s door

knock-knock, knocking on heaven’s door

mama, put my guns in the ground
i can’t shoot them anymore

that cold black cloud is coming down
feels like i’m knocking on heaven’s door

knock-knock, knocking on heaven’s door

you just better start sniffing
your own rank subjugation, jack

because it’s just you against your tattered libido,
the bank and the mortician, forever man

it wouldn’t be luck if you could get out of life alive

 

i’ve put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what i meant, and that’s the only way of insuring one’s immortality. ~ james joyce

howdy boys and girls, mama got new toy.

apparently, there is a whole cult out there worshipping the cube. strategies. formulas. 9 moves. 16 moves. 22 moves. 36 moves. conventions. hobby groups. strategist groups. support groups. forums. discussion groups. a whole bloody academy for it – did you know that the world’s youngest ‘cuber’ is a 3-year old?!!! insane finger knotting competitions. did you know that in these competitions, they don’t call by the minutes – but by the seconds and what’s smaller than a second? nanoseconds? and some even to dua titik perpuluhan?!!!

i know that it is nerdy gila and my brain cells are quite content to degenrate at the leisurely pace they are at, but the geek in me cannot resist. J and i were in toys ‘r’ us and i got the 3x3x3 classic cube complete with stand.

erno. rubik. creator of the magic cube. dude. what were you thinking? i scowered the web and here’s a link the shocking low down on the rubiks cult. cubaholics? rubik’s wrists? cubist’s thumb? rubikubism?!!! orang-orang ni memang dah gila wei. they’re playing cubes with one hand la, with their feet la, blindfolded la.

so like any other typical perasan genius person, i scrambled the cube completely, and it was not long before J first suggested that we start peeling the stickers off the damn thing. now admit it, if you have ever had a cube, at some point in time, surely you have thought – and maybe even followed through – with the idea of peeling the stickers off the cube. well duh, if you peel the stickers, you’ll mess up the mathematics of the cube and render it 93% of the time unsolveable. pft!

yes, there are support groups for people who peel stickers off rubik’s cubes. pegi search. there are also forums for people who are pissed off whith people who peel stickers off the cubes. i think there are a lot of bored people in the world.

accoding to the gurus, if you really, really, really memang dah nak mampus pun tak boleh buat, the best was to reset the thing is to take it apart. don’t worry. tak pecah. the mechanism memang bisa dibuka, dong! and as long as you did not peel off the middle sticker, you can reassamble it back perfectly.

so aku pun pulas and pulas and pulas the cube for two whole days. i could get one side done. i could form patterns with a single side of the cube. i circulated it around and watch other people pulas and pulas the cube.

finally, aku pun bowed to the internet for some formula to get it back into shape. susah sikit la to understand because even with the strategies, still kena perah brain cells a bit for the logic of some of the moves. maybe it’s just me la. i’m done too may things to my brain that renders it believing quite happily that a scrambled rubik’s cube is far more aesthetically pleasing that a solved one. ha!

while on the net i found other versions of the cube, from the 2x2x2 ice cube, the 4x4x4 rubik’s revenge cube, and the mothership (for now!), a 5x5x5 professor’s cube, where there are about 283 trevigintillion possible permutations, which is roughly comparable with the number of atoms in the observable universe. trevigintillion? and apparently yes, there is such a word. trevigintillion is berapa million, billion of how many trillion?!!! the original 3x3x3 cube has forty-three trillion possible permutations. as wikipedia puts it, if every permutation of a 57-millimeter rubik’s cube were lined up end to end, it would stretch out approximately 261 light years. if they were laid side by side, it would cover the earth approximately 276 times. have any of you any friggin’ idea the kind of devastation a trevigintillion… wait! make that 283 trevigintillion can do?!!!

*faints*

the problems of puzzles are very near the problems of life, our whole life is solving puzzles. if you are hungry, you have to find something to eat. but everyday problems are very mixed – they’re not clear. the cube’s problem depends just on you. you can solve it independently. but to find happiness in life, you’re not independent. that’s the only big difference.

erno rubik, creator of the magic cube

oh, and now you want to take about happiness?!

day three. i have solved the mystery that is my cube. it’s now perfect, thanks to the genius that is moi. it is now sitting comfortably on a special stand on my office table. kalau siapa-siapa kacau… nyah!!!

 

an idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself. ~ charles dickens

shutter

if you have ever hung out with me, you would notice that among the pinnacles of my cynicism (and let’s not talk about jaggard edges baby, i’m talking about minas tirith here), is horror movies. i have not seen a horror movie in years. possibly over a decade. and very comfortable about it too. there are just too many horrors in the world already, i just don’t get why we’re trying to spook ourselves out any more. in a way, it is almost wrong to channel our fears to something artificial when there are real horrors in the world that desperately needs our second consideration.

that’s where J comes along and tosses any word of protest out the cinema hall. shutter (2008), an english remake of the thai original by the same director. obviously, i have not seen the asian rendition of the movie. J counted down the minutes all through dinner. heck, we’d doggy bag the salads if we had to and you lads have no idea how we probably nearly did just that.

i wonder why developers make such steep cinemas these days. its great because one does not feel like chopping off the head of people sitting in front of them. but i saw so many close shaves of people stumling over the stairs, it is almost disturbing. one poor dude tripped on his way up, he spilt his full cup of coke right on the aisle. kesian, kan? can you obviously tell that i am stalling talking about the movie experience itself?

if you are expecting a review, you are going to be either entertained or disappointed. i survived the movie. no, i did not cover my eyes. i almost did, but i saw what happened through my fingers. i think J was more worried about me than i was about me. creepy storyline, yes. considering that i do drive alone at nights and i am a photographer. but is it like psychedelically horrific? so insane that it is good?

you asking me? are you kidding me? i have not seen horror movies in years, so no, i am not going to tell you that even the sound effects can give me the creeps already. according to J, the storyline is loyal eough to the thai original. scary, creepy, horror factor a little toned down but effective neverhtheless. let’s just say that i’m thankful for digital photography – fine, that’s not much of a consolation because that japanese attendant in the movie saw it through a viewfinder anyway. crap.

now before you people call me a certain poultry that i like to eat deep fried (thank you), i did it okay. i did it without hiding and i did it without screaming, and yes, there were a number of screamings in the cinema hall. so there. been there. done that. not much of an oscar award moment, i know but leave the farm birds out of this.

it was an utterly unforgetable evening in far more ways than one. corny line, corny line, and you’re here so expecting something less mainstream from a so-called award winning writer, kan? well then go and read my published articles then. this is a blog.

there, i’ve said it.

 

your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ rumi

you and me both, sayang.

 

you don’t see us, now you do, but only if we want you to. ~ timbletack

the spiderwick chronicles

i am not crazy about the acting. i think that every character in the movie can be better portrayed. stronger. more convincing. this goes for both the human and animated characters.

but i like the idea of it all. a field guidebook to the mystical realm. gosh, if i had that book, i would go and seek them out. make magical spells and potions. make friends with these wonderful creatures. vanquish evil.

yea, i have my brains dislodged in la-la land like that.

my diagnosis of this movie is a personal one, because we all know that you did not come to this blog for a movie review, but instead, you want to stalk me and think that what i write here is at the very least entertaining. i like the movie. because i like the world created in the movie. i’d like to imagine myself in a world like that, with such and such magical creatures. i’d like to be a traveller in that world. and a writer. and if they have a two-pin plug point so that could charge my batteries, a photographer too. but that’s just pushing it, kan?

been reeling it some late nights these few weeks. the good kind.

 

you better cut the pizza in four pieces because i’m not hungry enough to eat six. ~ yogi berra

for as far back as my working life stretches, i have made, both sucessfully and unsuccessfully, to have breakfast. back in universty, heck, morning usually did not exist, with the exception of course, of some morning classes which i occasionally make an appearance at. and even then, it was more strategic than anything else.

the problem with malaysian breakfasts, is that it is chuck full of cabohydrates. you know those heavy lid stretches in mid morning and mid afternoons? that is the nasi lemak weighing down on the eyelids. partners i crime include bermacam-macam noodles and a whole army of pastries, which i assure you, every single one of them have a heavy bum in one food group only.

so for the past coupla weeks, my mom and i have brought salads to work to get through the morning. simple salads je. mostly green leaves. carrots. sometimes some celery. it does not need to have so many items in it. we do the whole jamie oliver thing in the kitchen the night before. toss a salad straight in two plastic containers. maybe with some cheese. a dash of olive oil. a tiny pinch of salt and pepper.

bringing bekal to work reminds me of the myanmar, the only people in the world who can make steel tiffin carriers fashionable. when mom and i first started with the salad regime, i instantly wanted to put mine in tiffins. he he. ada ke, carry salads in tiffins? what in heaven’s name would i do with all the other compartments? will with other kinds of food, obviously. tidak, tidak! i am suppose to eat healthy, not eat more!

strength is the ability
to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands
- and then eat just one of those pieces.

- judith viorst -

what’s with the sudden healthy living spell? aku dah berat sih! yesterday i went to the climbing gym and found out exactly how heavy! adoi…! i remember dulu i can at least not embarass myself on the front boulder wall. sekarang, i quietly sneak to the other side of the wall, where takde orang, so that i can huff and puff myself up inclines. traversing breaks sweat like crazy which is a good thing.

entah la, this research work i am now doing is immensely interesting. but the brain drain screams for nutrients far quicker than the rest of my body can deal with the excess. must exercise more! where the hell am i going to find the time, i will need to figure it out. i am busy gila these few weeks and i really honestly see the pace slowing down till late next week (it is the F1 season anyway…! ~ sorry, lame joke). so move aside britney, because everyone wants a piece of me. gimme gimme.

this morning, takde salad. we’ve ran out on greens at home, which reminds me, i need to go to the supermarket petang ni after work to stock up. i had a malaysian breakfast. sigh. guilty of nasi lemak with ayam goreng. my eyes! my eyes! it is going on auto shut down and i have a ferocious pile of papers in front of me to read. if only my brain cells would allow, these stuff are really a debater’s dream come true, but nooo… as if my eyes are not sepet enough already, it needs to squint much smaller, negotiating with my brain for a snooze mode. tolong!

the lion is most handsome when looking for food.

- rumi -

i need to put on songs that are rancak today. sayang that this office is far more docile than my last one and everyone’s music is at a sopan punya volume. everytime i need to stretch out, i look around first to make sure no one’s watching. he he. nak buat macam mana, sekarang sudah hampir glamour, kena jaga nama. hampir je, beb, tapi sudah perasan already.

aduh, kelopak mataku! ~ damn you, sambal ikan bilis! why do you have to be so sedap against nasi lemak panas?!

 

you will not enter paradise until you have faith, and you will not have faith until you love each other. ~ reported statement of the prophet muhammad, peace be upon him

every morning, at exactly 8am, a soulful prayer is recited over the PA system of the complex which is my new office. we cup our hands and open our palms for blessings in work and life in general. family. friends. teachers. the good people of the world. all the good things.

tossed and turned all of last night. drifted in and out in a daze that i would hardly call sleep. felt as if i was missing something. and i was not alright until i was complete again.

 

Protected: where does it come from – this quest – this need to solve life’s mysteries when the simplest of questions can never be answered? why are we here? what is the soul? why do we dream? perhaps we’d be better off not looking at all. not delving, not yearning. but that’s not human nature. not the human heart. that is not why we are here. yet still we struggle to make a difference, to change the world, to dream of hope; never knowing for certain whom we will meet along the way. who among the world of strangers will hold our hand, touch our hearts, and share the pain of trying… ~ heroes 1

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find a guy who calls you beautiful

find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
or will stay awake just to watch you sleep…

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,

who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on.

one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares
and how lucky his is to have you…

the one who turns to his friends and says,
“that’s her!”

~ harry tottszer ~

*
back to main blog here.

 

Protected: i follow the moskva down to gorky park, listening to the wind of change ~ scorpions

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happy birthday, theva!

over a week’s worth of planning ALMOST went went flushing down the toilet when theva got up suddenly and saw ah nei in his garden. oh wait, that just sounds so wrong, kan? ;P

plan was supposed to be an old school kind of surprise party. theva comes home and we get him creamed in his office wear. but did it work out? nooo… that lazy fat one had to want to come home. and since sue was overseas, it was up to his brother to hold him back.

laziness however, has its own persistance and theva eventually ended up at home, sprawled on his couch, while we revert to plan B and ambush him at his own home.

see theva, if you’d only play along from the very beginning, we would not have messed up your house. okay fine, we still would, but it would not have been so bad. i think. hm.

it was supposed to be a surprise party. foiled at the last minute. did that stop us from overing him with whipped cream pies? hell no! as uncle preached, while we prepare to ambush the poor sod, this is revenge. ada video, tapi itu aku upload petang nanti ye.

it is heartwarming that after over ten years, we’re all still good friends. emma brought old photos and opened the floodgates of nostalgia moments. okay, enough with the mushiness, there are a handful of us who will now need to get overseas flight tickets when september comes along for safety reason or we’ll never live to see 28.

 

chinese new year with the akurians

i know its late, but i don’t see you lamers putting up your photos of this gathering yet either:P

the gathering stretched late into the night. seafood dinner. yee ang. fried sotong for ah nei. fried ice cream after. the works. i think we were the last one to leave the restaurant in klang that night, kan? lepas tu ada night cap somemore – where else but in SS15 itself.

 

Protected: tough love

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you are loved (don’t give up) ~ josh groban

if i were ever to go deaf, this would be the last song i’d want to hear. thinking of you, J.

don’t give up, it’s just the weight of the world
when your heart’s heavy, i… i will lift it for you

don’t give up, because you want to be heard
if silence keeps you, i… i will break it for you

everybody wants to be understood
well, i can hear you

everybody wants to be loved
don’t give up, because you are loved

don’t give up, it’s just the hurt that you hide
when you’re lost inside, i… i will be there to find you

don’t give up, because you want to burn bright
if darkness blinds you, i… i will shine to guide you

everybody wants to be understood
well, i can hear you

everybody wants to be loved
don’t give up, because you are loved

you are loved
don’t give up, it’s just the weight of the world

don’t give up, every one needs to be heard
you are loved